Edit: I found out something about Stephine Meyer that just frankly makes me sick.

I've known for a while that she's Mormon, and frankly I could care less. It is there in her books if you look, but not so thickly that it ruins the story. I mean, I'm not a die hard fan or anything, but I did read the first two and enjoyed them. I look at them like good fan fiction. There's better books, and that's just my opinion.

I don't care what your opinion is and I don't think any of them are wrong. Whether you swear by the books or just can't stand them, you deserve to know this;

One Tenth of Any Money Meyer Makes Off the Twilight Series Goes to the Mormon Church.

I understand this is her right, and I can't do anything about that. I understand that it isn't wrong to give your money to organizations you support.

But what makes me sick is that that same church can use that money to fund things like Prop 8. My money.

I'm not going to see Twilight in the theaters. I will never rent it, I will probably never watch it. I will never again care about whether she'll stop being a drama whore and finish Midnight Sun.

I refuse to let my money get shoved back up my ass by self righteous bigots. Yes, that is how I feel and I'm not sorry I used that wording, and I'm sticking to it.

Take whatever you want from this. I just think anyone who wants to has the right to know. Your money isn't just going to a good author, it's going to an organization against LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Trans-gender) rights. Maybe you don't care, but I do. I find it disgusting.

And let it be said that I don't have anything against Mormons as individuals. My girlfriend is Mormon. I have several Mormon friends at school. It's not the people that are the problem, it's the organization that as a whole has admitted that they find what I am is a sin against their God, and that they will work very hard to make sure I am never allowed the same rights as them. That it'd be better for everyone if I just stopped existing as I am. I'm not allowed to find happiness with another human being because it might be another woman, and that bothers them. To me, that's wrong.

Anyways, nicer things.

I told a friend this story during intermission of our school’s performance of “All I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” I turned around in my seat and told her I liked the song the techies had put on. ‘Lover Lay Down’ by Dave Matthews’ Band. After that, I felt I had to explain why.

My dad gave the mix-CD from our cousin’s wedding to me and my brother to have. It was the only CD in my van the night I went out and watched the fields burn. ‘Lover Lay Down’ was one of the two songs I kept cycling through as I chased the flames down.

I’d been having a crap time with one of my friends. The fight wasn’t important looking back. I just remember feeling very depressed. She was in a play, though—Romeo and Juliet—and I had promised before all this shit that I’d come see her. I wanted to keep that promise despite the drama. Thing was, I got the time wrong, and ended up there half way through the first act. I’d missed almost all my friend’s scenes and she wasn’t gonna do much of anything in the second half. I stayed through intermission and a few scenes of Act II before just leaving.

As I turned onto the road that’d lead straight to my house, I noticed that the sky to my right was orange. Light was being reflected off the clouds, and I thought to myself, “they’re burning the fields”. I realized I wanted to watch it. I didn’t know where they were but I wanted to find them and park my huge black van and watch them. I’d never seen a crop burning. I didn’t know what one would look like.

I had a half take of gas, and my mom wasn’t expecting me home for probably another hour. The first chance I got to turn right, I took it. I drove until I got to a dead end. The flames were to my left now, and still at least a mile away. I couldn’t turn anywhere but back the way I came.

“I’ll go home,” I thought. “This is a waste of time.”

Back to the main road. I could keep going straight and be home, or I could turn right one more time and try again. I tried again. I drove down streets I didn’t know, farther and farther until I was definitely not within the city limits.

I found the flames.

If you’ve never seen a crop burning, it’s not something to miss. I couldn’t find any pictures that did justice to what I saw, but I did find this [link] to a few good ones. Where I live in Kansas has some steep hills, so my view was much better.

Regardless, it was beautiful. It was a snake of fire pulsing over pitch black hills. It was like a fire god. I thought I might crash, driving down the two lane country road at ten at night, smoke clouding the stars. I kept taking my eyes off the road and staring at it. I couldn’t find a good enough place to park, and eventually, I had to turn around and go home.

I’d do it again, but I know it won’t be the same. That calm, amazed, excited feeling won’t return the same and I’ll never feel that exact refreshed way. It might be similar, but not the same.

I think everyone should do something like this. When the time presents itself, you should go out looking for something without knowing if you’ll be able to find it, or even exactly what you’ll find. Go searching without a plan past “I’m going to drive this way” until a fork in the road gives a new decision.

When it was all over, and I was turning into my drive way, that Dave Matthew’s song was playing. It’d repeated so many times that night, I know at one point I stopped hearing it. But right then, I turned off the engine and listened to it. The saxophone…I don’t even know how to describe how listening to it still makes me feel.